My New Life in God Key Verse: Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me." Dear gracious heavenly Father, Thank you for your grace and mercy on this sinner. May you be with me to look back on my life and give thanks to you. May I share your love with others. I pray in Jesus' name.Amen Part 1. I put hope in the world I was born on Feburary 27th 1981 into a faithful family of God. My father is a medical doctor, professor and staff shepherd in Kwangju UBF chapter 3. He is full of love and fun. My mother is a woman of faith who is good at shepherding many sheep. I was a very cute girl and received a lot of attention in my childhood. I spent a lot of my time at church., and I was an outstanding Bible student due to my parents' spiritual education. I always took the first prize in the Bible quiz. However, regardless of my abundant Bible knowledge, I was still far from knowing God personally. At that time, I had thought that God would give me a smooth and trouble-free life because my family served God faithfully. And I was proud of my family. In1993 when I visited Chicago for one year, I had to face reality. Unlike my first impression of the United States, which seemed like a fantastic fairy-tale world, my short time here was bitter and painful because of the unfamiliar environment and my poor English. I was a mute at school. I didn't say a word for 4 months at school. But strangely one dim light kept growing in my mind. I felt a desire deep in my heart to be a missionary someday because I saw many faithful missionaries in Chicago UBF. But upon returning to Korea from the states, I needed to face my school study. I took 48th among my classmates of 52 at the first exam. I couldn't believe it. I had always thought that I was smart. I studied hard and 3 months later I jumped up to the high class. But this experience gave me self-pride that I, myself accomplished this, not knowing that it was done with God's help. I didn't give thanks to God but praised myself. I was a proud sinner. When I was a freshman in high school, I found happiness in dating a guy. I thought it would make me satisfied with life. All my attention was focused on him. I wrote him letters everyday. One day I brought him 100 roses. I spent all day and night thinking about him. As the result, my school grades sunk. However, regardless of my devotion to him, he only thought me as a friend. I was deeply hurt. This broken heart gave me strong desire to find the perfect guy so that he would regret leaving me. During this time, I was far away from God. I was not spiritual at all. In my second year of high school I started going to nightclubs regularly even during my busy school schedule. I believed that it was not that bad because I didn't drink and smoke there. But I realize that I didn't seek to have a spiritual environment where I could grow in God, but I only looked to have fun. Also, to go to nightclubs, I lied to my parents many times. And I broke their hearts. This was my high school life. Time passed quickly and I faced consequences of not studying. Through the college entrance exam, I experienced the bitterness of life for the first time. I got rejected from my first choice college even though everyone expected me to go there. It was hard for me to endure such shame. So I blamed God for all these happenings in my life. I entered another college, even though I really didn't want to go there. I didn't have any interest in my school studies. Right after the first semester in college, my grade was a 1.78 out of 4.5. Rather than studying for school, I was interested in fashion. I tried to solve my inner thirst by buying the new clothes, shoes, accessory, and cosmetics and so on. And I began to judge others according to their appearance. I believed my only success in this world were my friends whom I spent a lot of time sharing sorrow and joy together. They liked me and understood me well and they gave me a lot of attention. But I realize that I made a big mistake in not leading them to God's love and His word. I didn't ask them to study the Bible because I was afraid of what they would think of me and our church. I thought the sin I committed was not as bad as others' sin and I believed I was a pretty good person. But I realized that I was a proud and thirst sinner. I didn't give glory or thanks to God although I knew God. Rather I blamed God and I became a rebellious liar who broke my parents' hearts to enjoy the world. I loved my friends more than I loved God. I had put my hope in the world. Part 2. I put hope in God Although I was enjoying the world, I felt something missing in my life. In my heart, I always had a desire to love God. When I was a senior in high school, I attended a JBF Bible conference. At that time, I prayed before God repenting of all my sins with tears, and asked for God's forgiveness. God had mercy on me and forgave all my sins. I was filled with the Holy Spirit. I was so happy and joyful. I prayed all night with second generation shepherds and shepherdesses. I decided to study the Bible and pray to God faithfully. However, I only a mind to love God. One shepherd told me that I had only the heart to seek God but there was no change in my real life. To be honest, I was afraid of changing because I still loved the world and my friends. I thought if I was changed I had to stay away from my friends. And I was not sure that I could attend many meetings and do duties at the center. These thoughts weakened my faith to follow Jesus absolutely and made me remain in this world. But God wanted me to leave the world and follow Jesus. After one semester in my college, I decided to stay away from school for an year to enter another college. But, I was again rejected from the college I wanted to go. And I had 6 months before going back to the previous college and I decided to come to America to study English. At that time, I planned to go back to Korea in 6 months. My parents wanted me to become a missionary when I became a mature servant of God after receiving training in Korea. But while they were praying for me, they realized that God's plan was different from theirs. They realized that God led me to the States to grow spiritually, leaving the world behind especially my friends. And they accepted that God sent me here as a missionary although I was very young. But I wanted to go back to my country because I missed my family and friends a lot. Also, I was not sure I could live by myself in America. However, whenever I prayed, God gave me peace and assurance that he has led me to America. Recently, I found out that my failure of the college entrance exam, low GPA and staying away from my friends were all part of God's plan to lead me in his way. They seemed like troubles in my life, but actually all of them were from God's true love toward me. In fact, God has led me step by step as he planned even before my birth. I deeply accepted that God wanted to use this sinner to serve God's redemptive work in America. So far, I have lived to satisfy myself in the world. Still I love the world. But I realize that such worldly things can't satisfy my soul. And I know that only Jesus can make me happy. He died on the cross to save me because he loved me. And he promises me that he will love me forever and lead me the right direction and use me as his worker. Now I want to live for God's glory not for my worldly desire. I want to grow spiritually until I can feed college students with the powerful word of God. I praise and thank God who restored my failure and led me to this mission field to grow as a servant of God. I pray that I may have a repentant spirit everyday and grow as a faithful coworker in Washington U.B.F. May God help me to love him and seek him through all my life like my key verse, Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me." One Word: Live for God's glory