By missionary Deborah Lee
 

When I was asked to write and share a testimony about how God eabled  me to feed 12 sheep, I was hesitant at first. I did not want to show off as if I had done something great. But since it was the work of God, I decided to share it to glorify God and to encourage the faith of our co-workers. May God humble me and reveal his glory. Amen.

 Looking back on my past life of mission, I have nothing to speak about but God’s grace. For 23 years of missionary life, I have not raised up even one disciple. Nine years of life in Pittsburgh was like a desert training for me with repeated failures from RN exams and with no sheep. However my life in Shippensburg for the past 14 years was somewhat different. It was like a palace training. God has educated me spiritually and academically. By the grace of God, I graducated from the University of Shippensburg with a bachelor degree in Psychology in 1999 after studing for eight years. It was a big accomplishment and encouragement for me who was like a spiritual barren woman. Through school studies, God has prepared my heart to have a little more scholarly attitude and to understand students better and to approach them easily.

 But when I thought that I was ready to do God’s work and could do something, I still remained fruitless inwardly and outwardly. For the past three years missionary Pauline and I have visited the campus for fishing faithfully at least two or three times a week (sometimes everyday) and we planted prayer on campus although most of times we came home empty-handed. God did not ignore our prayers and faithful fishing and periodically sent a few sheep. I had on average five sheep. But instead of relying on  God, out of my zeal I fed them. When I myself tried to feed God’s sheep, I did not have peace in my heart toward sheep. I wondered whether or not they would soon stop studying the Bible. Also I expected from able sheep to grow quickly and co-work with us. When sheep did not grow or make a commitment as  I had expected, I would get discouraged and lose joy of serving them. Then sheep looked unlovableand selfish in my eyes.

 The joy of the Lord should be our strength, but I had put my hope in sheep and tried to find joy in them. So my spiritual strength and joy depended  on the conditions of sheep and God’s ministry. Laster I realized that these are small idols before God who alone must be worshiped, loved and honored. Instead of seeking God, I was seeking his rewards and blessings through sheep and God’s ministry. So last year I decided to seek God only by choosing Acts 6:4 as my key verse. Through prayer and the word of God, I wanted to have an intimate relationship with God.
 God gave me hunger for God’s word and sometimes I would spend hours reading the Bible. Although I did not finish reading the whole Bible, I almost finished it. Bible study preparation became a joy for me to study God’s word. Preparing for group Bible study usually took three or four hours.
 However when I saw other co-workers who copied their spouses’ Bible study material and used them, I was angry that they did not fear God’s word. But deep down in my heart I compared m self to them that they should be spending hours in meditation and studying God’s word like me. I was like Peter who looked around and compared himself to John, whom Jesus told him to follow him and to feed  his sheep. I learned that comparing ourselves to others makes us miserable and sometimes makes us proud. No matter what others do, we must focus our eyes and hearts on Jesus. Jesus, who struggled with God in prayer and cried out to God before the cross, touched my heart that I wanted to focus on God only, no matter what others did. I decided not to expect anything from our co-workers, but instead love and serve him faithfully.
 In my spiritual struggle and seeking God, several inspirational books helped me immensely. Through reading books about prayer and the Holy Spirit, I began to pray and rely on the Holy Spirit more. In the past, I tried to do something without much prayer in fishing and feeding sheep. But I decided not to go ahead of God, but pray and wait on his leading first. I did not spend hours in prayer each day, but I lived a constantly prayerful life, seeking God and talking to him.
 When the fall semester approached, I did not even have a goal for my one to one Bible studies. I thought I was not ready to feed my five old sheep, not to mention feeding new sheep. However God blessed our Activities Fair in August and sent 10 sheep to one to one Bible study. Previously, no sheep responded to Bible study  when I called them. But this time five out of six students whom I was assigned to call, responded to Bible study right away. Laster another student who signed up came to Bible study. All of sudden, I had 10 female Caucasian students to feed. As I was relying on God with prayer, God helped Steve to resume Bible study, and laterNate whom I met in the dorm began to study. I had up to 13 Bible studies, but these 12 sheep faithfullly studied the Bible. Moreover most of them have a pure heart and learning mind. Several of them come to campus fellowship on Wednesday night and Christy joins our worship service. By God’s grace, I never felt burdened with these sheep. Working full time at night as a RN, I had to sacrifice sleep and house chores at times. But feeding these precious sheep  and waling with the Lord in prayer and the word of God was a truly joy.

 Since my focus was on God, I felt free from burdens or worries about sheep. Knowing that it was God who entrusted me with many
sheep, I tried to live a life that pleases God more, and walk with him intimately. While feeding these sheep, books called “Prison to praise” and “Answers to praise” inspired me greatly. I learned the power of praising God and realized that it is as important and powerful as prayer. I began to rejoice in God an give thanks to him in all circumstances.

 It was a joyous fall semester, not because I had many sheep,  but because I began to rejoice in God. The joy of the Lord indeed became the strength of my soul and body. And my view point about sheep changed. Instead of expecting something from my sheep, I could see them wtih the heart of God and his compassion that they all need the true shepherd, Jesus, and the word of God and prayer support. So when they could not study the Bible, I would visit them to their dorms and prayed with them. I thank God that M. Daniel and I survived with only one car. I thanked God constanly that our car was used preciously in tranporting God’s precious sheep. As I thanked God, missionary Daniel’s attitude also changed. He, too, began to thank God for small things and our relationship became deeper in love and respect to each other, even though I am not at home every night due to working night shift, and we don’t spend a lot of time together.

 I would like to conclude my testimony that it was truely God who enabled me to feed his sheep as I sought him out and relied on him. As a Bible teacher and shepherd, I have a responsibility not to lose any of my sheep to the world, but to raise them up to be men and women of God knowing each sheep’s name. Since my focus is on God, I don’t worry about how to raise them up or about whether they would remain or not. The number of sheep is not my concern any more. I will follow as God leads me with a joyful heart and thanksgiving and be faithful to God and love him only.
 May God guide me in his grace and truth continously and use me as a prayer mother, a good Bible teacher and a fruitful  disciple-maker. May God raise up  an Abraham of faith and a Mary of prayer from Shippensburg. May God continue to use the faith and prayer of our missionaries, shepherds and shepherdesses and expand his kingdom. Bless America to be a kingdom of priests and a holy nation by raising up many men and women of faith and msision. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

One word: Rely on God and have an intimate relationship with him!